What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 05:19
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I couldn’t, believe it.
Who then, do I blame.?
Why do narcissists devour so much sugar (candy, ice cream, donuts, etc., in huge amounts at a time)?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I waited trembling.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He knew the spot.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
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Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Comes on , in middle age.
What movies and TV shows portray realistic beauty standards?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Why are the democrats keep insisting that there are more than two genders?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
When do you start "growing old"?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
What is the most gay experience with your dad?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
What would you do if you found out that someone had broken into your home while you were sleeping?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
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And i lived it daily.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Why do so many people find Kakashi's character so appealing and inspirational?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
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The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
What is your favourite true story to tell at a party?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Ive learnt so much.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Especially a lifetime of it.
She wouldn,t have been !
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
We all went to grammer schools
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I have no regrets .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But it wasn’t much.
When she asked me how she looked .
I was very sick at this time too.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I think the readers, may guess!
As i do to all so called friends.?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She married twice! .
She was in good health!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But ive been too sick for many years..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
All the time i was locked up.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Im still living with it.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I never cut or harmed myself..
But, we were locked up after school.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I will be 64.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Put me off passion for life!!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
So, i spoilt her more .
Was to survive, this bastard.
What did i know ?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
It was going to be , some day.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Would this be the day?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
We were not on the streets..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I could never make a relationship work though!
This is soul school!.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
My family never makes their pension either.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I don,t even have a pension.
So whats the point in blame.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I said to her
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She found it foreign!.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Why did i forgive my father ?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She loved him until the end.
I was scared of men, in general
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I write beautiful poetry .
He resisted the act ,that day.
One cannot live in the past .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
(And it was in our own minds.)
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
My life is so biszare .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I was 9 years of age.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I was seconnd youngest,
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .